Problem
Creator sends a long introduction before stating the proposed deliverables, causing busy brand managers to miss the commercial ask.
Solution
Root Cause / Diagnostic:
Burying deliverables under lengthy narrative paragraphs leads to high bounce rates from mobile email readers. Brand managers scan messages quickly and will exit before reaching the bottom-loaded commercial proposal.
Actionable Fix:
1. Place the core deliverable and commercial proposal within the first two short paragraphs of the email.
2. Use clean bullet points to format proposed deliverables, estimated views, and campaign timeframe for rapid scannability.
3. Relocate background narrative and channel descriptions into a concise closing section or linked media kit.
Pro Tip:
Format cold pitches so the entire commercial concept and deliverable ask can be read and understood on a smartphone screen without scrolling.
Burying deliverables under lengthy narrative paragraphs leads to high bounce rates from mobile email readers. Brand managers scan messages quickly and will exit before reaching the bottom-loaded commercial proposal.
Actionable Fix:
1. Place the core deliverable and commercial proposal within the first two short paragraphs of the email.
2. Use clean bullet points to format proposed deliverables, estimated views, and campaign timeframe for rapid scannability.
3. Relocate background narrative and channel descriptions into a concise closing section or linked media kit.
Pro Tip:
Format cold pitches so the entire commercial concept and deliverable ask can be read and understood on a smartphone screen without scrolling.